Fall is here, I know this because i have fallen and I can't get back up, and I don't know if I want to

I have been trying to figure myself out, trying to find myself and with this poem I said I wasn't going to write about you. This is about me.
I'm a teenage mother who would give up anything in the world if it meant making her daughter smile, I try everyday to make people happy and I try to put others in front of myself but sometimes that gets hard when I don't even really let anybody in.
I went out with someone tonight and talking to him made me realize how much I'm letting R fuck with my head (I really just need to know), 
this kid told me everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, it made me feel good that people are always comfortable enough to tell me things. 
I like that people know I'm not quick to judge, I may not have gone through a lot but I know how the world works and what gives me the right to judge people who see the world differently or who have experienced it differently. 
I like that I come off as an open person, and I pride myself in being open minded.
I have a lot of insecurities, I hate my teeth and I hate my smile. I hate how my ass looks and I hate that my eyebrows never look right, I hate how massive my forehead is, and I wish I was funnier. I wish that I was more comfortable with going out and doing things with people, I wish I was more comfortable in groups and it would be nice to be able to talk to some people who I actually want to talk to.
I have my days where I won't even want to write a sentence because I have read something someone else has written and I just want to give up, and recently I have given up and I'm not proud of myself for that because I don't give up easily and that's one of my good qualities but also one of my burdens. 
I have never taken no for an answer and if I have I never let it go; I'm working on this. 
I'm trying to be as honest as possible with this because I thought that maybe if I write it all down I can figure myself out a bit better, I know that this isn't my best work and I know this isn't even close to as good as somethings other people have written. I just don't want to give up, I want to keep proving to myself that I can tough this world out and not just for my daughter, I want to tough it out for myself too. 
Who am I?
I'm Susan, teenage mother, animal lover, vegetarian (Except I eat fish) but I don't eat dairy, I find beauty in the simple things but I can also find the flaws in the littlest things, I'm obsessed with damaged goods and I love things that have stories behind them, I have been in love with everything vampire since Elementary school and I always thought God messed up when he created me human, I'm also not sure If I believe in God but I know I believe in good and evil, I don't have a favorite color but I do fancy forest green, I love sushi and I hate wasabi, I drink more tea and coffee than I do water, I LOVE to dance, I change my hair a lot so I don't get bored with myself, I sleep with 4 pillows and I can't sleep without them, I think freckles are beautiful and I'm obsessed with hands and collar bones, I think serial killers are fascinating and I could tell you nearly everything about Charles Manson, and I always end up falling in love with people who are broken and I worry it's because I want to feel needed, I'm always attracted to the sociopaths in movies (my parents can never understand why and I wish I could tell them), and I am really bad at keeping in touch with people, and I can never figure out what I want to do with my life.
I'm not perfect and I'm not the best human and I'm definitely not the best at being human, but I'm here and I'm learning how to survive.
I worry that I won't give up on you R and I think that worries you too. 
I hope my daughter grows up being proud of her mom and I hope she doesn't hate me for never trying to fix things with her dad, I hope that she can see that beyond all the ugly the world is beautiful and that it is worth trying.
I'm really just simple and I'm not as scary as I look, I promise. 
I hope you understand that there is beauty in all of you; unless of course you are child predators, animal abusers, or you think you have the right to take away other peoples rights, other than that I want you to all know that you are beautiful and there is a reason we are all different. 
How boring would the world be if we were all the same, that is when there would be no point in living. I think i'm starting to realize the world can be a beautiful place, we have to make it beautiful for ourselves. 
I don't know how to end this stupid thing, except,
R, if you read this, what's next?.

For all the people who actually give a shit, 

thank you.

Susan Atkins 

Here are a few things I can so easily find beauty in, and I hope you can too.