I'm not as strange as this sounds.

It's not that i like the silence, it's just that i don't know how to speak without disappointing; I'm never able to say what i want to say without sounding like a complete freak and no matter what i say it wont satisfy you anyway. 
I don't want to say that you have a hold on me but ya do. 
It's not that i don't like people, oh wait. I don't. 
Let me phrase that better, let me try to not be as socially awkward for you. 
Trust me, i have days where i wish i could leave the class room of the Creative Writing teacher during lunch with out giving 100% of my attention to NOT having a panic attack. 
I wish i could go out and mingle like all the other (in my opinion) "socially awkward kids", how do they do it? That is what i call being socially weird. . .mingling. . .
STANDING IN THE HALL AND TALKING. 
I have places to be, people to avoid, music to listen to, books to read. Thanks for the mingle offer though imaginary friend. 
I would like to dedicate this to Mr.  Nelson for putting up with my awkward conversations; I'm sorry, i just get lonely some days and i just want to talk about ANYTHING. 
I would like to dedicate this to the other "socially strange" girl (Note how i said "Socially STRANGE", I used strange because it's not that she can't talk to other people it just that other people can't handle her coolness)
who sits with me in the Creative Writing teachers classroom offering me food and strange conversation.
Thank you. Without your food i would probably be starving during 4th period and without your conversation (this applies to you too Mr. Nelson) I would probably be talking to myself, well more than i already do. 
I do have days where i wake up and wish that i had all these awesome, indie, super cool, super hip friends, but most days I'm happy with what i have. 
I wish that we didn't have this devastatingly short awkward conversation that went like this:
"Oh! In November i get to go to a mortuary to do a shadowing opportunity, I'm excited."
"Ew."
I forget that people don't say that, plus you didn't let me finish my sentence
So I'm gonna finish what i was gonna say. 
"Oh! In November i get to go to a mortuary to do a shadowing opportunity, I'm excited. I want to get the bodies ready for their big day, that's what i want to do with my cosmetology licence."
Oh. . .wow. I guess that doesn't sound any better. At least i tried, right?
I wouldn't have to have a conversation with the dead and if i did they wouldn't say anything back and that way i can sing whatever song i have stuck in my head that day, they can't do anything about it. Really. 
I wish i can be human comfortably so i can make friends comfortably. 
I fight my reflection every morning when i look in the mirror, which is ridiculous because i cant "really" fight myself without winning and loosing every time. 
People are always telling me "You have really good eyebrows." 
My eyebrows are so crooked i want to just wax them all off. 
People are always saying "Your eyes are so pretty! Are those your real lashes?!"
My eyes are so big i feel like a creeper, im sure when i look at you you'd think i was totally creepin', i ain't though. I only creep on very few, and trust me you didn't make that list. Sorry. 
I feel like as i go on this blog post is just turning into another socially awkward thing, so like i said in the beginning
It's not that i like the silence, i just can't say anything without sounding like weirdo; let alone write it.

This is to you weird kids. 

With all the emptiness in my chest,

                                                                                                    Susan Atkins.


P.s I'm not OCD, the fact that my pictures wont all center is just killing me.