Here am I

I am an empty vassal floating on everyone elses cloud nine, beyond those clouds are thunderstorms. They just don't know it yet.
And I have told you several times before, so please don't make me point to my chest again and yell "NO ONE LIVES HERE ANYMORE. Sorry to disappoint."
I can't remember the last time i laughed so i hit my funny bone against the corner of my desk this morning just to make sure i still had a funny bone somewhere in my body. I don't, it didn't make me laugh it just freaking hurt.
I miss childhood a lot sometimes, even though i hardly remember any of it.
I wonder if that's why i miss it so much, know one had to rely on me, i was young and carefree.
Im done pulling feathers outta my mouth in order for you to feel weightless.
Im not your savior and trust me im far from holy.
Plus dear these ravens only have a limited amount of feathers in the first place and now they're bleeding.
That's just it, they are just bleeding inside me leaving my boots heavier than then were before.
Im trying to make myself like people more and animals less but you can't tell a christian God doesn't exist.
And you sure as hell cant make me pray to an invisible force.
So please world consume me, pluck me from every colorful feather i have left
because i was born naked anyways
SO BRING IT ON APOCALYPSE.
i may be empty but im stronger than i look.
I fell a long time ago and dear i keep getting up.
I have been chased by monsters the day i left the womb,
but you can't take my poetry when i have it burned to every inch of my body.
They can't kill me without killing themselves.
So please don't make me listen to your apology one more time,
You know less about love than i do.
The more you speak the more worthless words become.
So please don't tell me how you love me because sleeping with her was a terrible way of showing it.
I don't deserve to be treated like that.
We shared everything together and i realize we shared more bad than good, but it was all i had.
I am so close to having the whole world in my hands, i got it all besides the most beautiful parts.
So uh,*coughs, clears throat* Shit um, Hughston, i know you have heard it before but please just love me back.
Because i was wasting these feathers on the wrong guy.
And god knows she was wasting you on the wrong guys.
So here i am world, break me down.
Tell me I can't do it.
Bring it on monsters!
Tell me how im not pretty every time i look in the mirror, because I'm done being sad.
I got more potential than you think.
We except the love we believe we deserve and I'm not saying i deserve the best love but you know what world im better than what he showed me.
I am infinite.
So Im cutting open  my chest and im letting these ravens free, im done falling because i already picked myself up and i hung myself by the stars so i will never fall again and i did it all for him a long time ago, Im taking off these boots and im walking across the ice and if i fall through you know where you can find me.
The Apocalypse has nothing on the scars i carry.
and yeah, I am jealous of the world most of the time.
How to world can grow something beautiful out of something so ugly, I mean are you kidding me we have forests from decaying bodies and fecal matter.
We have lakes that come from know where and hide so many ugly things
That's what i have been trying to do for years.
But now im letting the ugly out and im letting it fill the entire city because i have been carrying way to much ugly on my shoulders, it's about time i share it with something with too much beauty.
I'm here world.
Can't you see me now?
I was nothing but a wallflower but now im fighting off these monsters until they realize i can create as much as they can destroy.
I'm here world.
Drag me to hell, but just know that i have already been to hell many time and i drag myself out every time and i always take a piece of something better, something more beautiful than what i had before.
So come at me world.
Push me through the fire, drag me through the streets, stone me words, skin whats left of me,
because i will always get back up and i will always get back up with me middles fingers in the air yelling
"Is that the best you got? Because it's gonna take a lot more to destroy an ocean. And my body is an ocean.
 So bring it on."