Here i am again trying to convince you that i don't fall easy, that when i fall i don't "really" fall.
But I do, and i don't ever know how to get up and once I'm down they just keep kicking and screaming
"Was he worth it Susan? Was he worth the long fall?"
I'm afraid of heights so i would rather not fall again, thank you. Plus the soil isn't too bad and one day i will be under it, why not make friends with it now?
I don't know how to say everything i want to say anymore.
I can't say or write anything right, my lips don't know how to shape a smile, my hands don't know how to stop shaking, and my eyes just don't know how to look at him without loosing parts of my heart every time.
All i ever wanted was to feel weightless, i wanted to be a normal teenager who never had to run from things. And if i did it was just from the cops.
He has got me so tangled i don't know even know where to begin to unravel myself, I'm a teenager who has fallen and who can't get up to save her life,
I'm a girl who wakes up every morning having to convince myself to just walk through the door and who closes her eyes just to try on clothes or do her hair.
I'm a girl who can't move her fingers to write without having him on her mind.
"Is he worth it Susan? Is he worth the flooded insides, the foggy mind, the worthless love poems?"
No matter how many times he falls apart i will always rake up the pieces.
And no matter how much blood stains the rugs i will always replace them.
And no matter how much damage his monsters make i will always pick up the glass.
And no matter how many scars mark his chest, his thighs, or his heart, i will do everything i can to match them.
I wish i could express how tired i am of writing love poems.
So
tired.
I know you have heard this all before,
Susan Atkins.
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