whats it mean to be worthy?

I'm broken. My heart is empty, it's pumping worthless words through my body
but darling i cant survive off words.
I'm lost trying to figure out if i should let go of you or the world.
Doesn't seem like a fair trade does it? knowing you two are nearly the same.
The world around me is dying.
The birds are crying not singing, the flowers are dying instead of blooming.
I look outside everything seems ugly.
The mountains are frowning, the sun is working harder just to burn us all.
These pages, darling they are filled with blood.
I have never hated but loved someone so much at the same time.
Why are you doing this?
There are ashes bursting from my mouth when i speak. These words? They're already dead.
These ashes fill my lungs, i pray for them to fill faster because i cant take another day knowing you don't need me the same.

Take me under. I wanna drown in you.

I want you to drown me in every word you speak, in every song you sing.

Drown me till i can only breath in your empty spaces.

I want butterflies in my stomach but instead i get demons and these demons, They ask me over and over again
"Why do you "love" someone so broken? Why do you "love" him when you always said you would never "love" someone this way?"
I reply
"He's like all of you except hes so beautiful that you can hardly speak, hes so beautiful that you can hardly think, and that's just with one look. He's so beautiful that the gods bow for him, the sun rises for him, the stars shine just for him. He is the most beautiful broken human i will ever love. . .and I'm not even close to worthy."