Dear ________ we got a problem, you wont stay out of my head

So here's the thing. . .
I'm unsure where this feeling came from. I woke up one day just needing you, no. I guess it was always building from the moment i saw you. . . why? I don't know.
I feel sick for liking you.
Cross that.
I feel sick for loving you.
I know that you don't believe in love and hell i don't either.
I tell myself every day to just let you go, i mean i never had you in the first place
but see, there's this thing my mind does he just keeps bringing up your name, i guess he likes bullying my heart.
I know deep down inside that this isn't right. I know i shouldn't feel this way about someone, but i have never wanted someone so bad that it nearly kills me.
and i know you'll never feel the same and i tell myself that every day.
It's almost better. I'm almost over you.
That was a joke.
I'm not.
When the sun goes down and the stars come out i name everyone after you, you make the night more beautiful.
Every bone, organ, cartilage, blood vessel, every cell, every inch of my body is named after you, you keep me functioning.
I don't know if you knew but there was this hole in my chest where my heart should be, it was empty until i heard you sing; not literally of course but when you talk it's the most beautiful song in the world.
I want my heart spilled in your bed sheets and i want this mangled body buried in your back yard.
I want you to cut me up and feed me to each starving part of you.
Cut out this heart fill your black hole.
I will replace my heart with dimond because darling i wont find another dimond like you so this dimond will stay in my chest forever, untouched and im okay with that, as long as i know its you whose carrying my heart.

whats it mean to be worthy?

I'm broken. My heart is empty, it's pumping worthless words through my body
but darling i cant survive off words.
I'm lost trying to figure out if i should let go of you or the world.
Doesn't seem like a fair trade does it? knowing you two are nearly the same.
The world around me is dying.
The birds are crying not singing, the flowers are dying instead of blooming.
I look outside everything seems ugly.
The mountains are frowning, the sun is working harder just to burn us all.
These pages, darling they are filled with blood.
I have never hated but loved someone so much at the same time.
Why are you doing this?
There are ashes bursting from my mouth when i speak. These words? They're already dead.
These ashes fill my lungs, i pray for them to fill faster because i cant take another day knowing you don't need me the same.

Take me under. I wanna drown in you.

I want you to drown me in every word you speak, in every song you sing.

Drown me till i can only breath in your empty spaces.

I want butterflies in my stomach but instead i get demons and these demons, They ask me over and over again
"Why do you "love" someone so broken? Why do you "love" him when you always said you would never "love" someone this way?"
I reply
"He's like all of you except hes so beautiful that you can hardly speak, hes so beautiful that you can hardly think, and that's just with one look. He's so beautiful that the gods bow for him, the sun rises for him, the stars shine just for him. He is the most beautiful broken human i will ever love. . .and I'm not even close to worthy."