You told me to start over, I have a new chapter in my life.
I don't know if I like that, i don't like the thought of leaving everything else behind. I don't want to leave you behind R. I can't do that.
There are things I learned from you,  like how much love my heart could hold with so much rejection, except you never really rejected me, I mean we were friends. We were night time buddies, I loved that. I loved every minute of it. It didn't matter how little we touch or how we brushed off the fact that I wanted so much for you to call me your girl.
And here I am now, finished that chapter and I'm scared to reread it.
He doesn't like that chapter either, I have told him so many times that I don't feel the same way about you as I do him,
It's true. There was something diffrent with you, and there is somthing diffrent with him. I shouldn't have to compare and choose.
I think this is going to be one of my last blog posts, I'm going to try to write about my life now. I'm going to try to brush off memories. I'm going to try.
But I can't make any promises to you, or him, or me.
R, I'm trying. I'm really trying to keep you with me, but aperantly it doesn't work that way. I don't get to just hold on to you when I'm also trying to hold on to him. I don't want to let either of you fall and I hate myself for that.
Please don't leave me. Please don't. I need you here.
My heart still hurts for you,
but it's not allowed to.