Im burying myself in your garden, i don't care what you say.
Im drowning myself in your bathtub, i don't care how much you yell.
Im breathing in your sadness, i don't care how much you push me away.
I don't want love.
I want destruction.
Because let's be honest with ourselves, that's the only love were capable of.
I want you to tear me up.
I want you to cut open my veins and plant all your words; all your poems inside them.
Break me with your art.
Lay me in your bed and cut me with your bones.
Gag me with your heart.
Tell me how much you love hating me.
And I'll tell you how much i hate loving you.
Because every time i hear you breathing my body shakes.
Because every time i hear you scream i get light headed.
I want you to hate loving me.
Darling, can't you see what your doing?
Can't you see that im staining your carpets red?
Can't you see that im flooding your bathroom and im tangling myself in your sheets and after all that, im burying myself in your garden and im taking your damned letters with me.
So when you go out to pick your tomatoes or water your beets you'll think of me.
You'll think of how much you loved hating me and how much i hated loving you.
You'll remember that you're the reason for all the words i ever wrote in the first place.
You’ll remember me when you see the gashes torn in your bed sheets, when you see the fragments of broken vinyl and torn book pages on your floor.
Darling there is nothing more scaring then destruction
So even when im gone, i will always be there.
I left my scar all over your heart and body.
You will never find love more memorable then what we had.
I will never find anyone more memorable then you.
And I have memorized every inch of you.
Ive memorized the way you speak and how every word you sing makes me weak.
How when you look at me you don’t “really” look at me.
How the bigger you smile the more the sadness spills between the cracks.
And The way you walk with one hand in your pocket and the other rapped around your poetry like it were the golden plates of heaven.
I have memorized the shape of your lips and those lips have traced crooked lines in my head,
and dear I mean crooked crooked lines.
And how your hands have left mine dirty with black ink, but yet somehow i can still see through it.
I guess i really always knew it wouldn't work out the way I wanted it too.
I can see it now, You and your 3 dogs living off the garden I fertilized so well for you.
And your letters blossoming into beautiful weeds that you never let fill your garden.
Your too scared to let the thought of us cross your mind.
But dear no matter how hard you try i'll always be there with that scar across your heart.
Im tangling myself in your sheets because if i dont whose gonna match the rhythm of your breath and keep you warm at the same time?
“I love you.
I love you with all of my everything.”
That’s why im drowning myself in your bathtub because i don't want you to hear me say it, i want you to see it. Words mean nothing dear and you said it yourself.
Im breathing in your sadness because if i dont whose gonna breath it all in without coughing? My lungs were made for sadness.
I know you don’t see it dear.
But opposites attract.
You breath out and im gonna breath all of you in.
I will try to match your rhythm any day.
I know you don’t like being touched and im okay with that, we can make love through words.
You own me, even if you don’t want me.
I buried myself in your garden because you were the end of me but i didn't want me to be the end of you.
Im still here, scared across your heart.
Im still here, growin’ your garden.
We were a forest fire, now we are nothing but ash.
But lover I guess everything is supposed to die at some point.
