Dear _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I'm to the point where my whole body is running on empty. 
I'm hoping that i can at least make it to you, if I don't my body can be found in this lake. 

With all the love left in me,

_ _ _ _ _

You are the most beautiful destruction I have ever seen I think i will let you keep me, even if you don't want to.

Im burying myself in your garden, i don't care what you say.

Im drowning myself in your bathtub, i don't care how much you yell.

Im breathing in your sadness, i don't care how much you push me away.

I don't want love.

I want destruction.

Because let's be honest with ourselves, that's the only love were capable of.

I want you to tear me up.

I want you to cut open my veins and plant all your words; all your poems inside them.

Break me with your art.

Lay me in your bed and cut me with your bones.

Gag me with your heart.

Tell me how much you love hating me.

And I'll tell you how much i hate loving you.

Because every time i hear you breathing my body shakes.

Because every time i hear you scream i get light headed.

I want you to hate loving me.

Darling, can't you see what your doing?

Can't you see that im staining your carpets red?

Can't you see that im flooding your bathroom and im tangling myself in your sheets and after all that, im burying myself in your garden and im taking your damned letters with me.

So when you go out to pick your tomatoes or water your beets you'll think of me.

You'll think of how much you loved hating me and how much i hated loving you.

You'll remember that you're the reason for all the words i ever wrote in the first place.

You’ll remember me when you see the gashes torn in your bed sheets, when you see the fragments of broken vinyl and torn book pages on your floor.

Darling there is nothing more scaring then destruction

So even when im gone, i will always be there.

I left my scar all over your heart and body.

You will never find love more memorable then what we had.

I will never find anyone more memorable then you.

And I have memorized every inch of you.

Ive memorized the way you speak and how every word you sing makes me weak.

How when you look at me you don’t “really” look at me.

How the bigger you smile the more the sadness spills between the cracks.

And The way you walk with one hand in your pocket and the other rapped around your poetry like it were the golden plates of heaven.

I have memorized the shape of your lips and those lips have traced crooked lines in my head,

and dear I mean crooked crooked lines.

And how your hands have left mine dirty with black ink, but yet somehow i can still see through it.

I guess i really always knew it wouldn't work out the way I wanted it too.

I can see it now, You and your 3 dogs living off the garden I fertilized so well for you.

And your letters blossoming into beautiful weeds that you never let fill your garden.

Your too scared to let the thought of us cross your mind.

But dear no matter how hard you try i'll always be there with that scar across your heart.

Im tangling myself in your sheets because if i dont whose gonna match the rhythm of your breath and keep you warm at the same time?

“I love you.

I love you with all of my everything.”

That’s why im drowning myself in your bathtub because i don't want you to hear me say it, i want you to see it. Words mean nothing dear and you said it yourself.

Im breathing in your sadness because if i dont whose gonna breath it all in without coughing? My lungs were made for sadness.

I know you don’t see it dear.

But opposites attract.

You breath out and im gonna breath all of you in.

I will try to match your rhythm any day.

I know you don’t like being touched and im okay with that, we can make love through words.

You own me, even if you don’t want me.

I buried myself in your garden because you were the end of me but i didn't want me to be the end of you.

Im still here, scared across your heart.

Im still here, growin’ your garden.

We were a forest fire, now we are nothing but ash.

But lover I guess everything is supposed to die at some point.

I'll drown my heart till it stops yelling your name.

I'll drown my mind till it stops remembering what you look like.

I'll drown my self till i stop wanting you.

I'll drown.

My goodbye letter

The stars never shown for you.

The seas never crashed for you.
My bones never sang for you.
The leaves never fell for you.
I never fell for you.
I have been lying to you.

Not even one star deserves to shine for you.

The seas never deserved to move an inch for you.

My bones never deserved to think about you in the first place.

These trees never deserved to grow for you.

I never deserved to fall for you.

What ever they compare you to, your better.

They have all been lying to you.

So this seed that I've planted inside my head needs to be weeded, I never deserved to try for you nor write these words for you.

I don't deserve to love you the way i do.

Your so beautiful. No.

That word is filthy compared to you, every word I've written is filthy compared to you, and your not even close to perfect.

You think about sex, you think about death, you thought about me, once.

When I say 'No one will ever love you the way i do' I'm selfish. How could they not.

They say they wanna be me.

They don't know I love someone who is worth more then every love letter ever burned, every damn ever built, every bible ever written.

Your worth more then anyone can ever think of.

I don't deserve to write this about you.

But all i can do is write these God damn love letters about you when i never deserved to look at you in the first place.

That's why I killed you.

That's why i drug your body to my car and drove 3,120.9 miles to Alaska.

I picked Alaska because that's where you have always wanted to go.

And when i got there I dug the deepest grave my mind and body could ever dig.

I buried you with all the letters you ever wrote and with every thought i ever had.

But before i buried you i cut out your heart and i keep it in a old wooden box in the corner of my closet.

I took your heart because i couldn't let you keep the one thing i always wanted from you.

That makes me the most selfish person in the whole world, because i never deserved any of you.

But don't worry I'm bleeding myself dry from every thought of you.

And once i do I'll cut out my heart just to make sure it wont fuck up again, and I'll put it with yours in that old wooden box.

I'll let that box collect dust until I'm selfless enough to dig up your body and return your heart without thinking twice.
But until then. . .I'm sorry.

I want to run away

I have been stuck. I need a change in my life, I'm wasting away.

I can't write.

I can't smile.

I can't cry.

I can't tell the truth.

I need something new. I try to write it turns into words.

Just words.

I want to run away and live in the forest. I want to live off the earth, i don't have to shower, i don't have to look back.

I need to find myself.

I want to sing till my lungs collapse and i want to write till my hands shrivel and my pen runs dry.

I want to sing to trees and read to flowers.

I want to smoke my American Spirits till my body fills with smoke.

I want to run away and take you with me.

Can we please just go?

I need to get away.

I wanna hold your hand and run forever.

The mountains will sing as we play with fire.

I'll smile as you read me stories of monsters.

Lets leave this hell and never look back.

We can destroy the world together, i promise.

I met a friend.

A friend who inspires me.

A friend who is helping me find myself.

A friend who knows what it means to be human. . Even if he thinks he doesn't.

He is more human then most humans i have met.

He cares.

He sees what nobody else cares to see.

He sees what the world is blind to.

He sees beauty.

He sees honesty.

HE IS AN AMAZING POET

When the people ask

"You know who ____ is?"

The world will reply

"The writer?"

Doomsday

There is something new burning inside me lately.

These letters.

These words.

These songs.

Him.

Here comes doomsday.